The Pen

Perry Noble Calls Pulpit & Pen “Idiots, White Washed Tombs, Brood of Vipers.”

Perry Noble had a few choice words for us in a selfie video done from his car. He did not like our sermon review. Or, at least, the last line about his appeal for money.

“I tend to stay away from the discernment websites – um –  because, well just because. But their hypocrisy they can’t even see. For example, one did a story on me and Second Chance Church – whooh! – and was cutting on me and made a big deal that I ended my message with an appeal for money. Like, that’s a big surprise because church’s don’t need money.”

Noble’s video.

Noble, who did the video dressed like Malibu’s Most Wanted, then showed a screenshot of our article, Scare Quote Expolosion: “Pastor” Perry Noble’s “Church” Launch “Sermon” a Total Mess, which includes an auto-tag at the bottom of our Paypal link. It appears at the bottom of every article, automatically.

Noble then says, “Idiots.” He added, “I know, I know. Jesus would not have called them that. He would have called them white-washed tombs or a brood of vipers.” The Pharisees, of course, were never insulted by Jesus for caring about doctrine or holiness, but for being ignorant of God’s Word (for more on the Pharisees, read here). First, he was Jonah. Now he’s Jesus.

Let’s clear this up. First, we did not “make a big deal” that he ended his message with an appeal for money. In fact, it was a single line, “He ended with an appeal for money.” That’s it. That’s the statement. It was not a “big deal,” as Noble suggests. The post included 971 words, only 7 were about Noble’s appeal for money. That’s .72% of the article devoted to the appeal for money. In comparison, Noble spent close to 100% of the message eisegeting himself into Scripture, comparing himself to Jonah, attacking discerning Christians (and by extension, the church that fired him), and appealing for money and support from his cluttered living room.

While it’s true that churches need money, what Perry Noble is doing is not a church. He is not a pastor. He is soliciting funds because – as he said – he cannot just work at Target.  That, and he has to pay Lindsay Lohan’s former PR guy to help him rebuild his reputation. Real churches don’t need to pay for that.

To recap our review of Noble’s message:

  • He refused to call sin, “sin.”
  • He asked, “I’ve screwed up, now what” and didn’t follow it up with “repent.”
  • He attacks discerning Christians.
  • He cited from the Pericope Adulterae without any semblance of understanding its textual problem.
  • He allegorized the story of Jonah, and made himself into the hero of the story.
  • He took Romans 11:29 out of context to make it about him being fired from the minsitry, twisting it from its meaning.

It seems that, ignoring all of the above, Perry Noble is caught up on criticisms that involve money. So what do you think Perry Noble is all about?

Perry Noble’s theology is incredibly bad. This isn’t the first time Noble attacked discernment, and we wrote about his poor theology and anti-discernment sentiments in the article, Theologians and Perry Noble, a Perp Who Doesn’t Like the Police. Seth Dunn wrote at the time…

Jesus loves His church.  Does Perry Noble seem like a leader of Christ’s church to you?  The reason Perry Noble doesn’t like the theology police is because they cost him money.  When the theology police, whoever they are, write articles like this one or point out that Noble can’t so much as preach through the Ten Commandments, his giving units (aka church members) question the wisdom of remaining at NewSpring and giving their money there.  If you are at NewSpring, at this point, you should be questioning your continued participation at NewSpring.

Who says cessationists can’t be prophetic? We said he wasn’t qualified then, and he wasn’t. His church said he wasn’t qualified, and he was not. We said he wasn’t qualified, and he’s still not. And when we critique his theology in detail, Noble only defends his appeals for money so that he doesn’t have to work at Target (his words).

Noble’s sleezy Hollywood public relations guy is going to hate him if he keeps doing these weird videos.