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Prez. Jerry Falwell Jr. Agrees to Resign Then ‘Takes it Back’- Announcing He will No Longer Step Down

News Division

Embattled former-ish University President Jerry Falwell Jr. has decided to go down…er…swinging against critics seeking to oust him from his position at Liberty, publicly declaring he has changed his mind and will not resign from his position as President despite earlier agreeing to do so, and certainly will not go quietly into the good night.

We at Pulpit & Pen earlier reported that he had resigned and was gone for good, based on reports that he had agreed with the Trustees to step down, being imminently unqualified to lead a Christian university. Now, Jerry has told several different news outlets:

“I have not resigned. I will be on indefinite leave,” 

In a press release by Liberty University, the Board of Trustees reports that Falwell agreed to step down and resign after a multitude of super gross freaky-deeky sexual indiscretions came to light, but then withdrew his resignation and instructed his attorneys not to tender it.

The Executive Committee and the full Board of Trustees are meeting later this morning to crack some proverbial skulls and deal with Falwell once and for all, with things looking bleak for Ol’ Jerry. We don’t see any scenario where Falwell holds on to his job, despite his powerful friends and frenetic protestations.