The Pen

Pastor Claims Toilet Paper Rolls Will Multiply If You Have Faith

Conspiracy theorist Rodney Howard-Browne, who said the other day that he wouldn’t close down his church due to COVID-19 because if anyone sneezes then he’ll “neutralize it in split seconds” with his 13 special machines, held a church service earlier today at The River in Tampa Bay, Florida.

During his sermon, he said that if people just had faith, God would magically multiply their toilet paper rolls by — I’m pretty sure this is what he’s saying — helping them get it on.

… I believe that this should be a time of supernatural sustenance. Where what you have in your hand will multiply. And every day, there will be multiplication.

You’ll look at your toilet paper, and you’ll think, I’m gonna run out of toilet paper, but you have another roll where that other one was! You don’t know. How did that even take place? Are the toilet paper rolls getting together and having families now? What is taking place?

When you look again, there’s still enough. You think you’re gonna run out, but when you look again, there’s still enough.

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[Editor’s Note: This article was written by Hemant Mehta. Title changed by P&P, and first published at The Friendly Atheist