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Joel Osteen’s Church to Hear Gospel for First Time this Sunday

News Division

Joel Osteen’s church might hear the Gospel for the first time this Sunday. That’s the best possible spin we could possibly put on the news that Kanye West will be Lakewood Church over the upcoming weekend.

Kanye’s pastoral counselors seem legitimate and have a good theological pedigree. It is unknown exactly how much Kanye is taking their advice. It’s hard to believe that they would not warn the musician to stay away from Joel Osteen, whose prosperity “gospel” message provides a cheap imitation of the blood-soaked gospel of the Holy Bible.

Likely, with Kanye’s characteristic braggadocio and confidence, he believes that any platform is a good one and that he could not be led astray by a prosperity pimp with glow-in-the-dark teeth and a Jheri curl. Still, tens of thousands have been led astray by Osteen’s smooth words and honey-dripping lips (Proverbs 26:23-26).

It’s also likely that Kanye views Osteen’s church as a means to spread his message which – when it includes oversight of his pastors – is a genuine shade of the Gospel. It may very well be that Kanye would be invited once, but not twice, to Osteen’s platform.

More than likely, however, Kanye will provide credibility to Osteen’s Christianity (that’s a surreal statement to write). Osteen will, in return, seek to capitalize upon the Gospel work done by others and through the Lord in Kanye to promote himself.

In the end, this is a bad idea.

Hopefully, Kanye will perform his music. If so, this might be the first time, as the headline suggests, Osteen’s church has heard anything even resembling the Gospel. Hopefully, Kanye will not speak, lest he says stupid things, which new believers are prone to do. Reportedly, Kanye will have a 20-30 minute conversation with Osteen on his life before and after his conversion.

Bad idea. Bad idea. Bad idea. Bad idea.

An alternative headline for this article could be, “Kanye sells out Gospel to a Prosperity Gospel Sell-Out.” We may have to switch titles come Monday.

To quote Kanye in his song Chick-fil-A, “Watch out for vipers, don’t let them indoctrinate.