Why Flat Earth is Stupid

In the plot of the movie, Idiocracy (which I don’t recommend), the human race gets gradually dumber until it reaches a level of functional retardation. While the film is crass and comedic, there is truth to the premise. Humanity is not getting smarter. Pick up virtually any book from the English-speaking world printed in the 18th century and this phenomenon shall be manifest. Their breadth of vocabulary, their understanding of complex thought, their ability to philosophize and cognitively grasp abstract ideas is superior to our own. But virtually no indicative qualification signals our societal devolution more than the growing popularity of what is called “flat earthism.”

Truth be told, I never would have addressed this topic, if it weren’t for the fact that today I was told (much to my surprise) that there’s a rumor out there that I hold to flat earthism. How such an absurd claim would begin, I have no idea. If I had to guess, I would surmise that it’s because some have accused me of donning more than one tinfoil hat, typically involving the trajectory of evangelicalism, its innate corruption, or its infiltration by dark money globalists and Marxists. On this point in the year 2019, I feel vindicated in my assertions. But a flat earther, I am not. Neither, have I ever been. Primarily, this is because of God’s grace that my IQ exceeds that of a grapefruit. And, furthermore, I agree with President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho, that the “state of our union is stupid.”

First, you can know that the Earth is round experientially.

During lunar eclipses (blood moons, as our charismatic, omen-interpreting friends call them), you can see the shadow of the Earth on the lunar surface. It’s round. Likewise, because of the Foucault Pendulum effect, in which there is an oval-shaped shadow in every eclipse, we know that the Earth is not round and flat (like a pizza), but is also spherical.

Mass attracts objects via the force of gravity. In other words, what goes up, must come down because gravity (caused by mass) will pull the object down. Only a sphere has a consistent shape, and thus, anywhere you stand on that sphere has consistent mass, and therefore has consistent acceleration due to gravity. Because an apple falls straight to the ground no matter where you stand on Earth, the center of mass is just beneath your feet. This would not be the case if the Earth were round and flat (like a disk) but round and spherical (like a ball).

If you stand on the beach, you’ll watch ships go over the horizon. Likewise, ships seem to approach the shore “out of nowhere” because they come up over a spherical horizon.

If you were to be in a completely (or relatively) flat place, like the Salt Flats of Utah, and climb high into a tower, you would see further. This isn’t because you can see over objects (again, there aren’t any objects impeding your view because you’re in a flat place). Rather, it’s because from that perspective you’re seeing over the curvature of the Earth that, if you were on the ground, you could not see.

If you put a stick in the ground, it makes a shadow, and that shadow moves as time passes. However, if you put two sticks in the ground in different places, they create different shadows as time passes. This is because of the curvature of the Earth. Eratosthenes figured this out around 200 (or so) B.C.

Secondly, you can know the Earth is round Scripturally.

Isaiah 40:22 clearly says that the Earth is round.

He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy and spreads them out like a tent to live in.

And, so does Proverbs 8:27.

When he established the heavens, I was there: When he set a circle upon the face of the deep.

There are numerous other passages that reveal the same. However, some flat-earthers insist that the Bible promotes flat-earthism.

Chiefly, this is because of verses that speak of the “four corners of the world” (Revelation 7:1), the sun rising, setting (Ecclesiastes 1:5) or standing still (Joshua 10:13), or objects being able to be seen over the whole world (Daniel 4:10-11).

These are all expressions that we call “idioms,” just as I’ll remind you that in spite of scientists all agreeing on a heliocentric universe, they still might refer to the beautiful “sunrise” they witnessed.

I really shouldn’t have to say this.

I don’t believe in Sasquatch, leprechauns, werewolves, or fairies (outside the Jonathan Merritt-type). I don’t beleive Kyle J. Howard was in a gang. Chupacabras are probably Texas coyotes with mange. I doubt that flouride is making frogs gay. I don’t believe in extraterrestrial life unless it is celestial life, but I don’t think they’re flying around in UFOs. The government can’t control the weather and chemtrails are exhaust. Those are all myths and fantasies. For the same reason, I don’t believe in the flat earth, never have, and never will.

Not all conspiracies are untrue, and saying that something is a conspiracy is not an actual empirical argument against it. The Gulf of Tonkin really was a false flag operation. Fast and the Furious really happened. The U.S. government poisoned alcohol during prohibition and poisoned Indigenous Americans with smallpox. MK-Ultra has been de-classified. The NSA really is listening to your phone calls. James Riady really is funding The Gospel Coalition, Westminster Philadelphia, and Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. Soros really does fund projects of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission.

As a born-and-raised Missouri boy from Texas County, I am contractually and culturally obligated to believe in the Big Piney Monster. But the earth being flat…that’s just sheer stupidity.

[Publisher’s Note: Why do I even have to defend myself on this point? Contributed by JD Hall]


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