A Report on The Farm League Of Prophetically Anointed Femme Fatales

 

One would think that with the growing, evident depravity in the world today, a “prophet to all nations” would focus her message on more spiritually profound, eternally consequential matters than calorie counting and dropping a couple of dress sizes. Something ala John The Baptist, perhaps. “Repent and believe.”  You know.  Alas, for one femme fatale of presumed faith masquerading as a modern day prophetess, the word from the Lord is about the loss of your girth being translated into your spiritual gain … and the certain gain of her doubtlessly well-appointed purse.

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Donna Partow, proprietor of Women’s Empowerment University, is such a prophetess … well, she makes that claim. And, in making that claim, we can be certain that her click-bait enticements to capture your email address for that free ebook will merely serve to guide you, the gal in need of a caloric control miracle, to her $47 “seven secrets” miracle maneuver, endorsed, allegedly, by God.

Her strong prophetic gifting enables her to accurately hear and boldly proclaim God’s highest and best will for individuals, groups, cities and even nations.  Her primary call, received wile ministering in Papua New Guinea, is “prophet to nations.”   She has a passion for shifting spiritual atmosphere and has studied moves of God throughout history, bringing a unique combination of both spiritual insight and genuine scholarship. (Source)

“Shifting spiritual atmosphere” … oooh… ahh. How does one do that, anyway? Is it like New Age cloud busting? Whatever, it’s obvious this has been Jenny Craig’s problem all along. She didn’t slather her appeal to the bulky and bemoaned in sufficiently impressive Holy Ghost lingo. Of course, as a business, Jenny’s more interested in your thighs than your soul and, though she would likely claim otherwise, Donna cares nothing about either. She’s after your $47 Paypal enrollment fee.

Her online “university” allows “students” to select from five “courses.” Though their cost might be more than a grocery store basket of binge-worthy bon-bons, Donna’s courses offer intriguing appeals to give you the secrets of success that you’ve obviously missed. But, she’s a prophet so …

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Donna’s current “classes” include the “Special Blessings Prayer,” “Unleash the Power of God,” and “Beyond Breakthrough.” You’ll need to cough up … errr … transmit via Paypal, the course fee of $47, which is also the matriculation fee for the sounds-like-we-love-and-have-slightly-plagiarized-Joel Osteen course, Your Best Year Ever. (Please renew next year if desired results elude you this year.)

For the full-blown miracle course in weight loss AND spirituality, The 90 Day Renewal, please remit $147 via the encrypted, secure site. (Yippee! Just in time for the holidays! Oh, by the way, you’re gonna need more than LifeLock to protect you from the potential fraud this sort of thing represents. We recommend the Gospel,of course.)

Now, if you’re just not the sort that would fall for such digital deception (and we pray you’re not), be aware that it’s not only name-brand, “Christian” TV hucksters or those social media and email mavens of deception, like Donna, that bear Berean-like watching. There’s a farm league of lesser-known, regionally-restricted, though no less aspiring self-anointed ones, eager to engage your wallet … errr … your soul.

Skip the coat swinging, there, Benny Hinn-ites while these gals rev up their purses. They’ve got an “I’m a prophet too” league of their own.

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For $40 and, if you’re in the neighborhood of Gig Harbor, Washington on September 22-24, wander over to Peninsula Baptist Church to “be impacted by God’s presence.” First of all, no, it’s not “that” kind of Baptist church … it’s “that” kind, if you know what I mean. The sort where drool bibs will likely be offered at the door.   Secondly, if God’s omnipresent, how is His presence gonna be especially present on those dates in that place? I don’t get it. But then, I’m no prophet nor the son of a prophet …

In any case, you can join in with other women in God’s “army.”   “God has spoken to our hearts to raise an army and prepare them to gather and minister to His end-time harvest of souls.”   (Cool, as in Nicholas Cage flying a jumbo jet through the rapture kinda cool, I guess.)

The four horsewomen of this alleged apocalyptic advance team of the Lord are presumably woven from the same mantled prophetic thread.  The blather about them and their self-clutched mantles can be gleaned HERE.

Victoria Boyson “is a prophetic voice to this generation,” according to an email solicitation. “She’s called to awaken and prepare the bride of Christ for the end-time harvest.”

Derene Shultz “has a heart to see the Body built up in the same grace and mercy she has felt from the Lord throughout her life.” She evidently does this through her “prophetic voice,” and through a “ministry,” The Elijah List, in which she may be found “releasing daily prophetic words. 365 days a year.” Wow.  If only the Apostle John had email, just imagine.

Kathi Pelton and Lisa Roitsch round out the event’s prophetic foursome. Kathi is “an author, speaker, and prophetic voice,” too.   Lisa is an ordained minister who “loves to draw people into experiencing their own personal encounters with their heavenly Father in new ways,” cuz, well, frankly, those old Biblical ways are just too dull and boring, one reckons.

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“We’ve had the power of God poured out in our meetings.” That’s nice. “Women who’ve experienced miraculous healing,” those who have gained “freedom from demonic strongholds in their minds and families,” and others apparently testify that similar events have yielded an “increase and degree of spiritual encounters.” “Visions, dreams, and prophetic revelations” from the Holy Spirit abound!  And all for just $40 bucks, folks.  (These claims, of course, are staggeringly impressive when you consider that the last bonafide revelation we know of was from a bonafide, hand-picked by Jesus apostle imprisoned on a first-century island penitentiary.  Oh, didn’t God via John mention something in that LAST revelatory book about adding to or taking away?  Yeah, I thought so.)

From digital Donna and her illicit weight-loss prophetic declarations to the Women of Impact assembling in a vision rich army of the Lord, the days we live in demand one thing … discernment. While these particular Holy Ghost attractions are aimed at women, charlatanry is, we know, a gender neutral initiative.

You won’t find a Berean bellying up to the Gig Harbor Holy Ghost–fest or registering for a divine drop-a-pound of belly fat by online prayer class. But you’ll likely find a lot of deceived, desperate, and Gospel-void, Word-starved souls eager to embrace touchy-feely spirituality, but unwilling to do what true believers are told to do … “Abide in my Word.”  (John 8:31)

If the bumper sticker profanity proclaiming “Stuff Happens” is a plausible response to reality by the secular world, for the rest of us on the narrowing road of the Christian world, we might appropriately paraphrase our own observational platitude …

“Charlatanry Happens.

Beware. Be Berean.

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[Contributed by Bud Ahlheim]

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