Charismatic Preacher Says He’ll Raise Kobe from the Dead for 10% of His Fortune

For the low, low price of only 10% of his net fortune (which would be somewhere between 50 and 100 million dollars), a charismatic prophet named Nigel Gaisie claims he can raise Kobe Bryant from the dead.

Gaisie joins the ranks of exactly zero Biblical prophets who are recorded raising people from the dead for cash.

The prophet hails from Ghana, where his prophecies are regularly in the news. Conflicting reports indicate Gaisie was wanted for arrest for imprecatory prophecies of the local government’s peace council, although some deny it. Mostly recently he was busted for making New Years’ prophecies which were plagiarized from an Islamic cleric.

While encouraging his church to pray in “tongues,” Gaisie informed his congregation he was willing to raise the recently deceased basketball player from the dead…for a price.

The so-called prophet said, “The Lord just took me into the spirit world, and I have seen a great man fall. This news will shake the entire world because of how great this man is. I see a lot of people on social media talking about the man for weeks to come and I see a lot of sad faces.”

Please note that the prophecy was given after Kobe Bryant’s death was reported on the news.

He continued, “America will mourn this great man. The Lord then instructed me to announce to the family of this man, the American embassy in Ghana and the entire world that He the Lord has not sanctioned the death of this man.”

Recalling his supposed conversation with God, he said…

He again said to me, ‘Nigel, tell the family of this man and tell the entire world, should they agree to pay my tithes and offerings I will use you as a vessel to bring this man and his daughter back to life.’”

The prophet then added…

“The man is worth 500 million dollars and should the family agree to give 10% of his income to me, I will bring them back to life. Thus sayeth the Lord! Without the money, I cannot bring him and the little girl back.”

In related news, Nigel Gaisie is probably going to hell.



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