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Stop Dancing, Monkey: John Crist to Only Take a Two Month Break?

News Division

Although Charisma Mag broke the story with their (excellent) reporting, discernment proves to trump faux-prophecy every time. We first warned you about John Crist a little less than a year ago and cautioned Christians about following his ‘humor ministry.’

When worship songstress, Lauren Daigle, found herself unable to state whether or not homosexuality was a sin, John Crist lashed into her critics for being “judgmental” and “pharisaical.” When someone attacks discernment as strongly as John Crist – especially over matters of sexual ethics – they usually have something to hide.

As it turns out, the comedian did have something to hide as many women have come forward to state that Crist was using his status as a Christian comedian to hook up with as many women as Clayton Jennings. While “comedian” may not carry with it the status of clergy sexual misconduct, as would be the case with Jennings, Greg Locke, Tullian Tchividjian or other ordained ministers who used their ministry clientele as a dating pool, it was nonetheless an abuse of trust as a celebrity known for his Christianity.

Ultimately, Crist’s misdeeds are eerily similar to Jennings. He would approach female fans, give them special invites to his shows, invite them to his hotel room, give them alcohol and have sex with them. The two even shared speaking invitations at Tony Nolan’s Winter Jam, a celebrity-studded event for Christian millennials who are attracted to shiny objects, loud noises, and Christian celebrities.

The details of Crist’s behavior aside, Charisma’s report details that plenty of Christian companies, record companies, promotion managers, and celebrities knew of Crist’s sinful and reckless sinful behavior. That’s a whole other story unto itself.

For now, it should suffice to remind you of what Pulpit & Pen warned you about in 2018.


You’re funny. I’ve laughed at your videos and shared them around multiple times. I’ve never looked to you as a church leader of any kind because as far as I know, your primary contribution to Christianity is to make people laugh.

And that’s nice and everything, but humor is not a spiritual gift. Making people laugh is not listed among the Fruits of the Spirit. Humor is not given for the building up and edification of the church. But that’s okay; there’s nothing wrong with levity. It just means I look to you for comedy and not for your doctrinal opinions.

To be candid, if we wanted your opinion on spiritual matters, we’d ask you. You see, as pleasant a person as you are – and wonderful in many ways, no doubt – you are a dancing monkey.

Dance, monkey. Dance.

I’m not trying to be demeaning. I’m trying to be realistic. It’s best for both of us. You should stick to comedy. Your observational humor about evangelical life is often spot-on (very funny, for reals), but your commentary on doctrinal matters is as out-of-place as Lauren Daigle showing her midriff in a worship video.

Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about.

Here are a few things about your social media rebuke of discerning Christians, many of whom are the ones paying you to dance for them, that you should consider.

1. Lauren Daigle hasn’t done “more in the last year than [all her critics] in their lifetimes.” Lauren Daigle is a product of the Contemporary Christian Music market who – because she is pretty – gets to put on stomach-baring shirts and writhe sexily while singing about Jesus like he were her boyfriend. She could be replaced by any number of pretty girls who can sing (they’re a dime a dozen), and she should be replaced by someone with a doctrinal grasp at least as deep as Veggie Tales.

She, like you, is paid to dance like a monkey. Dancing monkeys aren’t any more pivotal to God’s Kingdom than a court jester is to King Arthur’s Court. You’re entertainment. The value of that, in the scope of things, is much smaller than your Facebook shares and Twitter RTs.

2. Equivocating not knowing what sin is (particularly an abominable one, like sodomy) to spending too much time on your Instagram account makes me think you don’t know what sin is. If you were a pastor or teacher, I’d be far more horrified. If you’re asked a similar question, I would respond as Daigle should have, “I’m only here because I’m a dancing monkey. Please direct all doctrinal questions to my pastor.”

Unless your pastor is Andy Stanley (like Daigle), at which point you should address their doctrinal questions to someone else’s pastor.

3. Lauren Daigle said she didn’t know if homosexuality was a sin because she’s “not God” and you, John Crist, accused her critics of being “shallow.” That’s hilarious, bro. It may be the funniest joke you’ve ever told.

4. John, you said in the video that if you have a negative opinion about another person that you don’t know, to keep it to yourself and throw it out. Then, you proceeded to launch invectives at all the Christians (your fan base) who were horrified by Daigle’s pathological ignorance. Yet you didn’t keep it to yourself. Please go back to what you’re good at so that we can like you again.

5. You told us to “shut up” for criticizing Daigle’s doctrine-flop and John Gray’s giving his wife a 200k Lamborghini (in the name of Jesus). But, we shouldn’t have to shut up. No one pays us to entertain them. We don’t make a living (like Daigle) being evangelicalism’s Jessica Simpson or (like you) making people laugh. We’re Christians who are commanded to “train the powers of [our] discernment with constant practice, so that we might be skilled in the word of righteousness” (Hebrews 5:14).

Now, let me be clear. I’m glad you’re a really good comedian. Everybody likes a good comedian. There’s lots of room in God’s Kingdom for funny people (more room than you think there is for critical people). Heck, we can probably use all the comedians we can get.

But John, we don’t need your opinion on anything but on how to make us laugh. I don’t think we need Daigle (worship should be led by people who actually know Jesus) at all. But I do think we need people who can make us laugh (I guess, maybe).

Please go back to telling jokes.

In retrospect, it should not surprise us that Crist broke from his usual funny-man persona to rip into Christians concerned over an unbiblical sexual ethic. Crist himself was dealing with a broken (and unrepentant) sexuality and lashed out at those who would judge rightly.

Crist has canceled the rest of his “2019 speaking tour” which essentially amounts to taking a break of less than two months. He will seek the Public Relations management of someone like Hunter Frederick, go to rehab for a “sex addiction” and will find someone to “restore” him to comedic ministry.

It’s fine for Crist to be a funny-man. But he should stop the Christian circuit. If he did that, his talent would drown in a sea of funnier people in a much harder market. But, that’s the only honest thing to do. He’s lived a lie for far too long, has disqualified himself permanently from profiting from Christian audiences (in fact, he should pay it all back), and it’s just plain time for the monkey to stop dancing.