No Fork? Pro-Abortion Presidential Candidate Accused of Dehumanizing Staff

Editor’s Note: As a Minnesotan, I found it rather befitting that Democratic Senator, Amy Klobuchar announced her run for the presidency on a blistering cold winter’s day. The late term abortion proponent and climate change agent ended her announcement speech blanketed in snow.

Many of us here in Minnesota who must survive the winter blast of sleet, ice, snow, and well-below zero temperatures each year have been asking the same question: When is the state’s weather going to be tropical? It would be nice if Minnesotans didn’t have to flee to Texas, Arizona, or Florida during the coldest months of winter.

Watch video here:

Since Klobuchar’s announcement to run for the presidency, allegations of “demoralizing and dehumanizing” her senate staff are being reported. One accusation, in particular, klobuchar used a comb to eat a salad she had a staffer pick up for her because the staff member forget to grab her a fork. The story goes that once Klobuchar had finished her salad with her hair comb, she demanded that the staff person “clean the comb.”

The following article answers the question: Is it possible for a person to eat a salad with a hair comb?

[Jenny G. Zhang | Slate]New York Times report published Friday featured several allegations that Sen. Amy Klobuchar had mistreated her staff, including an eyebrow-raising anecdote that started the piece: Klobuchar, a 2020 presidential candidate, once used a comb from her bag to eat a salad after her aide forgot a fork—and afterward handed the used comb to the staff member and told him to clean it. Blurred lines of professionalism and more serious allegations of a demoralizing and dehumanizing work environment aside: How do you eat a salad with a comb?

Armed with a six-pack of assorted plastic combs purchased from the nearest Target and a salad from the cafe downstairs, Slate tested each hair styling tool in an attempt to discover which apparatus allows for the optimal consumption of salad. If you have never before attempted to use a comb as a fork, the results are eye-opening.

Equipment

The combs, which range in size and purpose, each presented their own challenges. Handled combs, like the wide-tooth and rattail, were the most ergonomically pleasing. Handleless combs proved both messier and spikier, with no ideal spot to grip.

Teeth size also played a role: Fine teeth were flimsier and arched out of the way when met with harder garnishes like croutons and chickpeas, but wide teeth had rounded ends, rendering the tools useless when it came to puncturing and transporting lettuce from bowl to mouth.

Technique

It quickly became apparent that stabbing, that traditional method of eating a salad, was off the table for this venture because of the inherent shortcomings of these tools as eating devices. Each combful of food lacked both heft and an equilibrium of ingredients.

Gripped by growing feelings of hunger and frustration, Slate pivoted to scooping, with positive results. Thanks to the laws of physics, shoving a flat, blunt object beneath a heap of greens and lifting upward did indeed move the salad closer to the maw, although the lack of a curved border typically found in forks and spoons led to a few casualties of fallen salad bits that littered the roped-off corner of Slate’s office where this experiment took place.

[Editor’s Note: This article was written by Jenny G. Zhang and originally published at Slate. Title changed by P&P.]



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