My race has been sinned against. My grandparents grew up dirt poor in Alabama and Tennessee while others enjoyed riches, prosperity, and opportunity which was not available to my family. Less than two centuries ago, the very country in which I live was torn apart by civil war. Preceding that war, generations of my countrymen lived under the bondage of slavery. Even before that, people of my race lived under persecution on other continents. The cause of the hardships that I and my race currently face can be traced back through history to the actions of others. Those who have oppressed my race in the past died long ago. I cannot face them and see that they pay for their offenses. Their ancestors, however, can and should be made to pay reparations to those affected. In fact, it is past time for this to be done.
I hereby call on all descendants of Adam and Eve to pay reparations to those who were affected by their sinful actions. It’s time for me and my race, the human race, to be recompensed by those who caused our hardships.
*Please note that the preceding and proceeding is my personal opinion. It is not necessarily the opinion of any entity by which I am employed, any church at which I am a member, any church which I attend, or the educational institution at which I am enrolled. Any copyrighted material displayed or referenced is done under the doctrine of fair use. This “opinion” of course is satire. It is ridiculous for Christians to call for reparations. Thank God for Jesus, the 2nd Adam, who bore the punishment we deserved so we wouldn’t have to.