The Pen

Beth Moore Draws Parallels Between Noah’s Ark and Your Cell Phone Addiction

Again proving herself unable to exposit Holy Scripture in the most fundamental or elementary way, Beth Moore drew ire on Twitter for allegorizing the story of Noah’s Ark to mean something about…well, something. It didn’t make much sense.


For kicks and grins, let’s list the things wrong with this tweet…

  1. Noah wasn’t in the ark because he had an instinct. He was in the ark because God promised him he was going to destroy the world with a giant, global flood that was going to drown everyone (Genesis 6:14).
  2. Noah didn’t shut himself in with his own kind. He shut himself in with every kind of non-sea creature on the planet Earth (Genesis 7:9).
  3. Noah wasn’t self-absorbed by net-surfing on his electronic device. He was busy feeding animals and not dying in a flood.
  4. It’s doubtful Noah got bored, considering he was at the epicenter of the greatest natural disaster in the history of the world.
  5. Noah didn’t open a window to entertain himself, and neither did a bird happen to be flying around with a twig. There was kinda a point to that (Genesis 8:11).
  6. In Noah’s case there was not life out there. At least, not of the flora variety. It was all on the ark, with him.

Not everything in Scripture is meant to be an allegory for self-absorbed soccer moms to take a dose of self-helpism. This is actually abusive to the Holy Bible.

If you find Beth Moore’s twitter history edifying, you should follow @FavThingsBot. It tweets out completely random and incomprehensible sentences just to see if people with share it. They do. You can see it here. It’s equally as Biblical as what is tweeted by Beth Moore.

By the way, Moore deleted her tweet.


[Editor’s Note: From a concerned reader, #2 is incorrect. Technically, God shut Noah in the Ark. Good catch]