The Pen

Christian News Network Puts the Young, Restless and Reformed on Display

As much as the journalists at Christian News Network were fired upon for daring to question the Lord’s Anointed, I don’t blame them for firing back. Here, they put the Young, Restless and Reformed on display in what amounts to a lasciviousness parade.

Apologia’s ReformCon conference covered a host of issues, such as the importance of the sovereignty of God and Sola Scriptura, and featured a variety of discussions with invited guests.

But on point with the issue, during the Q&A session with Darren Doane and Nate Wilson, and in the context of discussing whether or not theology can be fun, Doane shared a story of how he concluded that “theology gets you drinking,” and if not, “you’re gay.”

He said that both studying wine in the Bible and considering the words of a friend shaped his conclusion.

“All of a sudden it hits me that wine burns,” he explains during the session, which is posted on YouTube. “I take grape juice, it’s sweet, it’s fun. My kids love it.”

“But when you take wine, whew, it burns. It’s fire,” Doane continued, comparing it to Scripture’s notation that “God is a consuming fire.”

He said that he continued sorting through the matter in his mind, and later, during a visit to Idaho, the words of a friend persuaded him to begin drinking.13590363_1637831756534038_4124881466002080137_n

“I know you don’t drink and all, but you’re all for it. But if you don’t drink, who’s going to teach your daughters to drink?” the friend asked.

“I got on the plane and I was like, ‘Teach my daughters to drink?’ Why would I…” Doane thought through. “So they’re going to look at me—I’m the Jesus guy in the family. I’m dad, and they’re going to look at Jesus in the Bible and it looks like ‘Jesus drank wine.’”

“And then I was like, ‘Wow, I need to start drinking,’” he said. “I need to learn how to do it, be responsible. ‘Cause I want to be a part of this theological picture God has created and designed. He said, ‘I am wine.’”

Doane said that he told his wife that he needed to start drinking, and that he now has a “way better marriage.”

“That’s what theology does. Theology makes things better. Theology gets you drinking,” he said, evoking laughter and smiles. “Theology gets you dancing. Theology gets you just celebrating things, enjoying food–that’s what theology does. And for all you married people, you know what I’m talking about. It makes it better.”

“That’s what theology does,” Doane repeated. “And if it’s not doing that, you’re gay.”

Those on the stage laughed and replied, “Mark that.”

“You’re theology’s gay if it’s not doing that,” Doane repeated as Durbin chuckled. (Click here to view Doane’s remarks in full.)

You can find the full post at ChristianNews.Net