So a bird pooped on my head on my way out of church…

A bird pooped on my head as I was coming home today (through an open pickup window, no less). I thought, “how would people of different religious faiths think of such a thing?”

Calvinist – that was an act of God’s providence, and so was according to his will. Thank you God; may I have another?

Arminian – Don’t blame the bird. You chose for that to happen.

Lutheran – I’m pretty sure that counts as a baptism.

Agnostic – That may or may not have happened. I can’t prove it.

Charismatic – The powers and principalities of darkness in high places have possessed that bird with the demon of rebellion.

Seventh Day Adventist – That’s what you get for worshipping on Sunday.

Messianic Jew – Great, now I can’t go to worship tonight because I’m ceremoniously unclean.

Jehovah’s Witness – That didn’t physically happen; it was a spiritual metaphor.

Atheist – I do not believe that just happened.

United Methodist – “Open Minds. Open Hearts. Close the Window.”

Fundamentalist – Now you know what it means “for the wrath of God has been revealed from Heaven.”

Post-Modernist: The question really is, “What does the bird poop MEAN TO YOU?”

Fatalist: “Poop happens.”

Nihilist: Who cares?


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