An Ode to Real Women on "A Day Without Women"

Today is International Women’s Day. Ironically, tomorrow is National Barbie Day (the two seem unrelated and their proximity unfortunate). Yesterday was National Cereal Day. Everything’s got a day, I guess.
Women across the country are protesting. What they’re protesting exactly seems unclear, but they’re protesting. And they want stuff. In Iceland, the government announced eradicating gender-based “income inequality” by 2022. In Russia, women were arrested for denouncing “patriarchy” in an ostensibly illegal protest outside the Kremlin. In America they took part in “A Day Without Women,” in which they stayed home from work.
In the 60s they burned bras. In the 21st century you can self-identify as a woman and may not have a bra to burn. Regardless, around the globe, the world is hearing “I am woman, hear me screech my unpleasantries.”
Ra ra ra. Feminism.
Certain women are trying to get the point across that the world needs them, and that we would notice if they weren’t here. And so, they’re shutting down school districts in Virginia, shutting down a municipal court in Rhode Island, and shutting down the Oxygen television network (I don’t have a link for that, I’m just guessing). Many of these protests have been planned by the organization that ends parenthood, advocating for women to get out and join a fracas in the street (by the way, Planned Parenthood did not take the day off).
And so, while feminists are out getting our attention by raising their hairy knuckles into the air in solidarity with one another, it’s only fitting that we take the time to explain that we Christian people do not take women for granted. We would notice if you were gone. We do need you.
Here’s to all the real women out there.
By “real women,” I mean ladies. Anyone with the right non-surgically altered biological features can be a woman. In fact, there are only two ingredients of womanhood; xx chromosomes and physical maturity. There’s a whole world of them out there. They’re all made in the Image of God, meaning that they share certain of His incommunicable attributes (for them, His gender is not one of those) that make them special, unique and soul-laden mirrors meant to reflect His character. However, some have not yet found their purpose in God’s design for the female gender, and the world would not be irrevocably damaged if they were to disappear.
The fact is, for the vast sum of the industrialized age, Western Civilization has flourished without women in the so-called “workplace” (as we would think of it). In an age of low wages and high unemployment, losing women from all but the most specialized professions would be met with a happy reception from the working pool of underpaid laborers. Remember those black-and-white television shows which reflected an economy in which households were amply provided for on single incomes? That was not Hollywood hyperbole – that was real. I mean, sure; it would take quite an overall of the status quo of our labor force to adjust to such a change, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
Before I proceed, let me say that we live in the world we live in. Sometimes, women have to work to help bring home the bacon for a culture that really, really likes our bacon. And when they have to, in order to provide necessities for a family that can’t be supported on a singular salary because there’s too much employee labor and not enough employers, it’s not sin. That’s love. And God bless the ladies who have to take a job to provide their family’s needs on top of everything else they’re divinely called to do.
That said…
Here’s to the ladies [raises metaphoric glass of Welch’s non-alcoholic grape juice] who would truly be missed, and whose absence would stop the world in its tracks and lead to a complete extinction of human civilization.
If feminists think the world wouldn’t notice their absence, they’ve forgotten that God made women to have children. In fact, I’m so certain of this reality that I would wager that never has a human being been born through the male urethra. Now, I know that our culture may not accept that reality because they see the Emperor as fully clothed, but that’s the truth of it. We recognize that the sensational headlines “Man has baby” is anatomical clickbait, and they’re writing about a woman born with woman parts who had a doctor prescribe them testosterone to grow a beard and maybe wielded a scalpel to make sure whatever future babies that would be had would have to be bottle-fed with formula. The rest of us fully appreciate the reality that without women, the human race would be as extinct as a Christian in the Democratic Party.
If mommies weren’t mommies, we would notice. Sure, dads can change diapers and kiss boo-boos. Dads can tell bedtime stories and finger paint with the little ones. But without mothers, this world would devolve into an unfortunate real-life Lord of the Flies. The domesticating influence upon men and the nurturing influence upon children cannot be replicated. That is something that God has given women, and resist it as they might, feminists cannot ignore it. Or…maybe they can’t ignore it well. More than one prominent feminist has left her post at the bra-burning station and joyfully joined the ranks of motherhood, never to return. It’s not patriarchal oppression; it’s biology.
Likewise, we husbands would notice if our wives were gone far far more than employers would notice their employees were gone. We would miss our women (don’t freak out at the possessive term, we are also their men) far more than a male colleague would miss their female counterpart. Women serve as our common sense, our restraint, our encouragement, our courage, our….[trigger warning, snowflakes] help mate. The term in Hebrew is עָזַר and means “one who helps” (profound, I know). 
My female dental hygienist (what’s her name?) could disappear off the planet and I wouldn’t know. The lady at the city clerk’s office (she seems nice) could be raptured Left Behind style, and it wouldn’t be the end of my life, and I can guarantee you the city would still collect on their water bill. But if my wife disappears, it would be like ripping my ever-loving heart out of my chest and kicking me in the eternal grief bone. You would come find a pig’s head on a stake in my living room, five children dancing around it in perpetual mourning, and me laying in the corner of the house on a pile of empty pizza boxes. That woman is my life, and it has absolutely nothing to do with her ability to make income.
To the wind with her earning potential, you shallow scalawags. A woman is more than that. She is wife. She is mother. She is auntie. She is sister. She is lover. She is helper.
“A Day Without Women” shouldn’t have women boycotting their place of work to get their point across. That makes as much sense as celebrating womanhood by looking like unkempt men shouting obscenities on the picket line. If feminists want the world to quake and tremble at the thought of a womanless world, they should boycott their home and husbands and children (if they had any).*
That would have civilization begging for feminine mercy.
 
 
 
*Seriously, though. Don’t boycott your husbands and children. We’ll all die.